


His Right Hand

by Klugtiger



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, Based on a Tumblr Post, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Miscarriage, Voyager RP
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-07-06 07:22:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15881301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Klugtiger/pseuds/Klugtiger
Summary: Tom and B'Elanna comfort each other the first night after a loss.





	His Right Hand

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Helen8462](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Helen8462/gifts).



> This ficlet was written as a part of the Voyager Tumblr RP for the Tom and B'Elanna miscarriage story arc, but can also be read as a private conversation between Paris and Torres for an incident we never saw. 
> 
> The first two parts of the RP story arc can be found [here (the miscarriage)](https://warpcorewarrior.tumblr.com/post/177666124575/you-call-this-a-migraine) and [here (the morning after)](https://thebestparisyouhave.tumblr.com/post/177692995361/everything-is).
> 
> Thank you to Helen8462 for the kind beta and the encouragement, support, and assistance in telling this tragic story.

Something woke her. Maybe Tom had shifted, maybe there was a noise in the corridor outside their quarters that her sensitive hearing picked up. Whatever it was had brought her out of a restless, dreamless sleep enough to make B'Elanna aware of her surroundings.

Tom was behind her, the big spoon to her little one, his body pressed against hers. She could feel his breath on the back of her neck, the way it moved a few strands of her hair when he exhaled. At some point his ankles had pulled one of her feet between them, or maybe she’d wedged it there herself. His left arm slipped under her pillow and stretched out, probably completely numb by now.

But Tom’s right hand…

His right hand made her breath stutter. His right hand made her heart ache. His right hand made the first tear slide slowly down her cheek. Followed by another. And another, until she couldn’t tell where one ended and the next began.

His right hand rested low on her belly, below her navel, on the spot where a bump would have started forming soon.

Would have.

B’Elanna shuddered and the gasp that had been trying to claw its way out of her throat for the past few minutes finally escaped.

“"B'E...?” Tom’s questioning mumble hinted that he was still mostly asleep.

She tried to quiet herself, might have been able to, except for what his right hand did next. He pulled her even more tightly against him, then began rubbing her abdomen, unconsciously massaging her still aching muscles.

Unable to hold back, she cried out and covered her mouth, knees pulling up and trapping his arm against her.

“B’Elanna! What- Babe, what’s wrong?”

She couldn’t answer him but didn’t really need to. Not anymore, not after yesterday.

“Oh, Babe. It’s okay. Shh… I’m here.”

 _It isn’t fair._ _He shouldn’t have to keep comforting me like this_. He’d been looking after her all day, helping her stand, getting her water. But who was taking care of him? No one was tending to _his_ needs.

He was hurting, too.

“Sorry,” she managed between sobs.

“No. Don’t be sorry. Never be sorry, B’Elanna.”

Leaning into her, he lifted himself up onto his elbow and tucked his chin over her shoulder, kissing her hair, her cheek, her jaw. It felt like he was trying to use his body to shield her, but the pain was deep inside and he couldn’t protect her from it.

Over and over he kissed her and spoke softly as her shaking wails turned into whimpers.

“There now. Shh… Just breathe, B’Elanna. Let yourself relax.”

His voice was so soothing, and he always knew what to say. _Dammit, why is he so good to me?_ Her gratitude swelled and she had to push the feeling down before her appreciation for her husband took her on another round of childish weeping.

When she trusted herself to speak, she whispered, “Thank you, Tom.”

“Any time. I’m always here for you.” The absence of a smile was obvious in his voice as he added, “Captain Proton to the rescue.”

“My hero.” She responded, attempting to play along with his failed joke, but her delivery had a bit too much wobble.

He chuckled anyway.

Unwrapping himself from her a little, he asked, “So, do you want to tell me why you woke up?” At her silence, he tried to guess. “Bad dream?”

And then, pulling away from her slightly, “Is it- B’Elanna, are you in pain? Are the cramps getting worse?”

“No, Tom,” she answered, easing his concern. “It hasn’t gotten any worse since the last time you asked. It was actually...”

She faltered for a few seconds but knew she needed to tell him. Reaching down, she laced her fingers with his where they still cradled her belly.

“Oh!” He jerked and tried to pull his hand away, but she held it in place, suddenly wanting him there, wanting his comforting embrace around her abdomen, where the pang of their loss was still assaulting her, both physically and mentally.

“I’m so sorry, B’Elanna.”

“It’s okay, Tom. Really.” The tension in his body told her he wasn’t reassured. “It’s not anything new, you often touch me there. Especially...  Especially once we started... trying to… to...“

That was as close as she could get to expressing what they had been trying to do - no, what they had _done_. The failure was still too raw for her to even say the words, so Tom spoke them for her.

“To get pregnant.”

“Yes.”

“I guess, I like nestling my palm there, and…”

“And what?” When he didn’t reply, she pressed. “And what, Tom?”

“I like resting my hand there and pretending you’re pregnant. That there’s a baby under my fingers.”

“Tell me.”

“B’Elanna…”

“Please.”

“Alright. I dream about feeling a flutter of movement. Then later on, the clear and insistent kicking of our baby showing it’s strong Klingon side.”

“Keep going.”

“I picture myself leaning down and singing to your stomach. I’ve been doing some reading, and hearing music in the womb is good for fetal brain development.”

“Lullabies?”

“What? No way. Classics, like _Life is a Highway_ and _Born to be Wild_.”

She thought for a moment. “Aren’t those car songs?”

He laughed. “I suppose both of them  _are_  about driving down the highway.”

“What else?”

“Well, uh…”

“Tom?” She turned her head to look back at him. “Are you blushing?”

“You can’t possibly see that,” he retorted, “It’s way too dark in here.”

“You’re stalling.”

“Okay, okay. I think about, um, about kissing you. Starting at your mouth and leaving kisses down your neck. Kissing your breasts. Then going lower… And kissing this spot, over your womb. Planting kisses on our baby…”

“That’s beautiful, Tom.” Encouraging him, she asked, “Is there more?”

“Yes…”

“I want to hear it. Please?”

“It’s not much, just, well. Then I go lower, and kiss you between your thighs. Though it will never be enough, I do my best to thank you for giving me this gift. I try showing you how much it means to me that you allowed me into your body, that you agreed to let me join with you and create this little person who is now growing inside you…” His voice trailed off.

Stunned by his words, their meaning and the emotion behind them, she was at a loss for how to respond.

Tom eased them back to safer territory.

“Before you know it, my hand won’t be here.” Patting her gently, then pulling their twined fingers out from her body, he continued, “It’ll be out here.” He indicated an arbitrary place as far away as he could reach.

She huffed. “Very funny.”

If she was ever that big, she’d better be carrying triplets. Bringing their arms back, she elbowed him gently in the ribs.

“That all sounds so perfect.” she said, growing somber once more.

“It will happen again, I promise.”

“I know.”

She rolled over in his arms and nuzzled into his chest. Leaning back slightly, he placed a kiss on her forehead, then rested his chin on her hair and tightened his hold around her.

“I love you, B’Elanna,” he whispered, his right hand gently rubbing her back.

“I know that, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Miscarriages are unfortunately a very common occurrence that many couples deal with privately, as well as other fertility issues. I believe Tom and B'Elanna would face several difficulties with conceiving and carrying a baby to term. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
